Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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