It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
