dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
