i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
