She announced her abortion via fbk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
