Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
