i just made my gag reflex go away.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
