I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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