Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize