yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
