it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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