Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
