Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
