I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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