my phone needs a breathalizer
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
