officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize