Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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