I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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