How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How naked do you want me to be?
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