Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
