i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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