Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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