How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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