Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
