I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
