I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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