I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
