Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
