So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
