also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
