I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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