girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
