I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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