No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, beer. Big fan.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
