ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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