Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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