then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
