I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
