It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
