what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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