I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
