Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize