Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a hot homeless man
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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