I just cut my nipple shaving
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
