Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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