I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
