I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
