im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
