Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
