I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize