So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Holy sore nipples Batman
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
