You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my shit smells like andre
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
