Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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