Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You made out with two different species that night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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