Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
