How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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