my sisters under your porch take her home
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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