An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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