my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
