The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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