my mouth tastes like poor choices
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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