i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
