your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i came on her dog
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
