I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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