Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
