Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
