we have pet lesbian snakes
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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