The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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