You can't motorboat a personality
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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