Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
