??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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