Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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