Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
