i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
