I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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