Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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