dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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