Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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