Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
