Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
