did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
