The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
