Jerry, you need to find god
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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