i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize