Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
