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it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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