I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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