TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Someone came in the potted fern
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
