Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
