He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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