And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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